**This post is being written March 1st 2014 but backdated to the date Sox died**

We noticed that sox has been sluggish the last few days and slowly getting more sleepy and less active. even to the point where he let mum sit on their sofa , put his blanket over her and he climbed ON her LAP! (socky!!!).

I had the horrible telling feeling in my tummy for a while before this and tried to ignore it , Not because i am not caring of the cats - anyone that knows me , or knew OF me when sox was alive , knows this is not the case . But i ignored the signs because sox was happy , as silly as that may sound to someone who has not been there in the last few days , hours , minutes. Me and socky has a connection and he told me to let things be , he spent enough time at various vetinary hospitals and clinics for operations , and after how they treated beary when she died we knew he would not go through the same. He grew closer to johnny in his last few days which seemed confusing and upsetting to me a little as it felt like he didnt trust me anymore but i understood that it was because he wanted to protect me from a complete breakdown and needed john to do things i couldnt cope with - like burying him and clearing away his belongings as time passed.

On this day i remember not wanting to go to the cabin , my first instinct was "send john out , il do work on the pc" which i never did since bear died unless i was very ill and really couldnt get out there. But i slowly made my way in there , stopping and staring around the garden as if picturing sockies previous "lives" around the garden , house , old den and in the cabin through the years.

Sorry , i think i will update this later , i cant think straight... I have this diary date written elsewhere but i think atleast for now i would prefer to keep the rest private. It may be a  while ago now but I dont think i could deal with remembering the whole day again right now.

At time of writing this - Socky has been gone 1 year, 2 months, 16 days and about 6 hours :(